You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize