I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
