when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
