I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
