So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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