It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize