Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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