i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
