Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
