Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MIDGETS
????
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
