just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
