your thong is hanging out like whoa
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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