Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
