can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
