isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
