And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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