Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
