Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize