my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
