i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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