Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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