last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize