he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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