What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
