I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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