saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
