Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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