end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
