shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
