I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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