I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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