does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
