i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
