I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
