im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
