I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
