how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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