i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
