We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
