I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
sarcasm needs its own font
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
