Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
