It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
