margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
