Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
