Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
