last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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