we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
