i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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