So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize