I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
