went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
