Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
