I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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