Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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