At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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