I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
