When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
