Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
