It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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