I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
