I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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