So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was born a porn star she said
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
