OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
