I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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