My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
