You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize