wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
