I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
