At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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