New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
