At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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