i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
