At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
