well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
